He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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