they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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