these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
