It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
