New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
