it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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