Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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