either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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