LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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