She's JV to your varsity
false alarm. still invincible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
