is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
