I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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