dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
