hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
40s are totally the cure
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
