Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
