I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
please don't ironically join a cult
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