All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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