I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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