Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
