According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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