Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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