Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I pour the whiskey from now on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
