Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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