no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
