i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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