You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
