Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
