whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
