escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
