he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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