His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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