I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
