I'm so fucking centered right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
