she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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