dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
