I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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