My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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