my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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