I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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