Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
