Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
