god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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