We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize