I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
