I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
