we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
