You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
