drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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