Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
