That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
