Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
