Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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