You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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