I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
