We named our party play list daddy issues
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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