absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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