Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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