You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Soap is not a condiment
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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