Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
