You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
