I'm gonna have a badass scar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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