My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
