woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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