It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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