and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
