This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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