Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
