toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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