i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're a waste of cheezeits
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
