All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
