Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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