I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
