thus making me awesome and them whores
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
