is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
